1. When asked to commit to planning in advance, this individual:
Avoids making a commitment as much as possible
Makes commitments but frequently cancels or alters them later
Jumps at the opportunity and goes out of their way to meet
Assesses their schedule and is enthusiastic about meeting if or when available
2. When a conflict arises, this person:
Avoids conflict as much as possible and withdraws
Easily expresses their feelings and needs and listens well to others
Can become emotionally volatile and sometimes angry
May get emotional and tries desperately to repair the relationship
3. The day after this person expresses more vulnerability than usual, they:
Withdraw significantly for days at a time
Feel closer to you but without expectation
Become clingy or expectant
Withdraw a little bit but come back around quickly
4. After an argument or disagreement takes place in the relationship, this individual:
Feels very guilty, anxious, and tries to create more closeness very quickly
Expresses understanding and forgiveness
Will sometimes try to get close and at other times withdraws noticeably
5. When you express vulnerability or deep emotion, this person:
Can remain present with you and listen
Will be very present and take on the problem as if it's their own but will often withdraw later
Will try to bond with you over the vulnerability as much as possible
Sometimes acts cold and creates space
6. When you are at a social event with other people, this person:
Clings to you and stays by your side
Oscillates between being very close and disappearing suddenly
Works to maintain their independence and space
Makes you feel comfortable and relaxed
7. When it comes to expressing love or affection, this individual:
Expresses often and easily
Is very slow to express love and affection and does so sparingly
Expresses a lot of love, but can also express a lot of negative emotion
Expresses consistently and frequently
8. This individual expresses their needs:
Rarely, though they express their emotions all the time
Easily when they are irritated, though they do not express their emotions
In a volatile way that seems to come out of nowhere sometimes
9. When this individual is going through personal challenges, they:
Reach out to others to get soothing and avoid being alone
Withdraw completely from the world
Oscillate between expressing emotions intensely and withdrawing
Spend time processing their thoughts alone, but also lean on others easily
10. When this individual discusses marriage or children, they:
Express optimism and enthusiasm
Deflect or withdraw in the conversation
Express importance and urgency
Often make negative comments about commitment or trust
11. This person fears rejection or abandonment:
If they do feel afraid, they will share it and work through it
12. When this individual is offended, they:
Become passive-aggressive
Express their feelings and needs
13. If this person's romantic partner were to be hit on by another person, this person would likely:
Get very angry and pull away
Simply pull away and withdraw
Express a boundary and need
Become very anxious and try to get as close to their partner as possible
14. If I needed to depend on this person, I would likely see them:
Show up excessively to help, even to the point of self-sacrifice
Show up excessively to help, but then resent me for it
Withdraw and fear being depended on
Be very supportive, but within the boundaries that work for them
15. If I were to pull back or become cold, this individual would:
Become very worried and try to get closer to me immediately
Try to understand me and express how it affects them
16. When I see this person after being apart for a while, they:
Act a bit standoffish or withdrawn at the beginning
Express warmth immediately, sometimes to the point of being overwhelming
Will sometimes be very warm, and at other times standoffish
Be comfortable, warm, and excited to see me
17. This person makes me feel:
Seen, heard, and understood
Confused sometimes, with their swings between hot and cold
Worshipped and adored but sometimes smothered
18. If I were to act out in the relationship, my partner or friend would likely:
Forgive me, but still show up and have their own boundaries as well
Try very hard to fix everything and look for reassurance
Respond spitefully, then express guilt for their actions
Withdraw very strongly, sometimes for days at a time